


when you are young they assume you know nothing

by DirtyRottenRaskel



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Taylor Swift, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Non-Graphic Smut, Tracing Scars, jj spends a lot of time reflecting on his and topper's relationship, jj/topper, luke is a shitty dad, no one is a good parent in this, thornbank, why is topper the only character tag w a last name lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:02:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28379682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyRottenRaskel/pseuds/DirtyRottenRaskel
Summary: “You don’t have to go, you know,” he said, voice muffled by the jacket his face was tucked against.Topper’s voice shook him loose from the memory, strained and thick with unshed tears. “I can’t, and you know it.”“Yeah, I know. Still shitty though. I’ll come visit you on the mainland so much you’ll be sick of me, ok?” JJ whispered back.
Relationships: JJ/Topper (Outer Banks), Kiara/Pope (Outer Banks)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	when you are young they assume you know nothing

**Author's Note:**

> listen i know i have a whole other jj/topper fic to be updating but i got this idea stuck in my head and just needed to write it  
> also, i propose thornbank as their shipname??? bc jopper sounds weird lmao  
> i was listening to cardigan bc folklore is absolutely iconic, and i kept getting caught up in the idea of topper and jj falling in love, only for topper to leave for college and just the idea of reflecting on a relationship as it changes is just *chefs kiss* so ripe with angst  
> so thats how this happened haha  
> i hope u enjoy & lemme know what u think!!

Cold, bitter ocean air cut through his coat as he wrapped it tighter around his body, but it was no use. The damp breeze whipped through his hair, and its icy fingers trailed down the back of his neck. Salt water crashed onto the dock around them, soaking his ripped vans, the stench of it sticking to the inside of his nose, even as he turned his head into the warm body next to him. 

“You don’t have to go, you know,” he said, voice muffled by the jacket his face was tucked against. 

_ Topper laughed, wine spilling from the glass he was holding as he threw his head back and cackled with abandon at whatever snarky comment JJ had just made under his breath. His hand squeezed his thigh, fingers digging into bare skin, rough from the gym and warm from the liquor.  _

_ He eventually composed himself, cheeks still stained red, eyes shiny and fixed on JJ like a predator. The hand on JJ’s leg slid higher, trailing over the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. Heat trailing in the wake of his fingertips mirrored the electricity that raced down JJ’s spine and settled warm in his gut.  _

_ He was getting hard, from just this simple touch and Topper’s heavy gaze. He watched him put down his wine glass, and silently handed him his as well. Once the glasses where safely on the table, Topper pounced, trapping JJ between his hard body and the back of the couch as he settled into his lap. His hands came up to frame JJ’s head as they gripped the backrest, faces just inches from each other.  _

_ “Hey,” the man on top of him whispered, voice low and raspy with arousal.  _

_ “Hey,” JJ said back, the side of his mouth crooking up into a wicked grin.  _

_ Topper ground down against him, and JJ’s eyes rolled up into the back of his head. He did it again, mouthing at JJs neck, and JJ knew he was about to get fucked into next week.  _

Topper’s voice shook him loose from the memory, strained and thick with unshed tears. “I can’t, and you know it.”

“Yeah, I know. Still shitty though. I’ll come visit you on the mainland so much you’ll be sick of me, ok?” JJ whispered back. 

He took Topper’s hand in his, and led him over to the railing, still damp with morning dew. The two boys stood, tucked into each other as they faced the horizon, still hidden behind the thick marine layer, waiting for the sun to rise. 

Topper had booked their earliest ferry ride to the mainland, because his move in appointment for his dorm was one of the first ones, as luck of the draw would have it. JJ wanted to come with him and be a supportive boyfriend for Topper as he began this new part of his life, but JJ had a job here, and he needed to finish saving up some cash so he could find an apartment on the mainland while he worked and Topper started his degree. 

JJ was so proud of him for getting into the program, because while his father was an alumnus of the school, but Topper also had a criminal record from when he helped Sarah and John B. escape, so the two of those sort of canceled each other out. He remembered how nervous he had been, the day the emails were set to come out. 

_ He was pacing the length of his kitchen, bare feet padding across the floor as JJ pretended to play Call of Duty in the living room. Everytime his laptop made a noise, Topper would jump and rush over, checking for any new information.  _

_ Realizing it was only a spam email from Lacoste, announcing a sale on polo shirts, Topper jumped to his feet and started pacing again.  _

_ Unable to take it anymore, JJ stood up and stalked over to Topper, and kept walking until he had him backed up against the wall, taking full advantage of his extra three inches of height to stare him down, their noses brushing together.  _

_ JJ reached a hand up and cupped Topper’s chin, and said, “Listen, I know you’re worried man, but you put in a killer application, alright? They’re gonna love it, and if they don’t we’ll work something out, okay. I love you, and you got this.”  _

_ He leaned down and at the same time he tilted Topper’s face up to meet his and planted a kiss on his nose, his cheeks, his chin, and finally his lips. He planted kisses along Topper’s jawline until he felt him smile.  _

_ “I love you, and you got this,” he repeated.  _

“Come with me,” Topper said. “We’ll make it work somehow, I swear.”

“I can’t, and you know it,” JJ echoed Topper’s earlier statement, looking up at him with soft eyes. Only for Topper. No one else would ever dare to call JJ soft. No one else would JJ ever let himself be soft with. 

Topper’s free hand slid over to his on the railing, only to let out a quiet gasp, quickly followed by a hiss of pain. He stuck his thumb in his mouth, lips and teeth red stained with blood when he pulled in away. 

JJ took it and placed a soft kiss on the tip of his thumb, the smell of copper mixing with the ocean salt still in his nose. 

“There,” he said, “all better.” 

Topper smiled, and huffed out a quiet laugh. “Careful there, railing’s a bit sharp.”

“Little late there, Captain Obvious,” JJ said, rolling his eyes. 

_ Their first real fight had been nasty. Neither one could tell you now what it was about, but it sure as hell wasn’t pretty. They had both been dealt a crap deal in terms of parental figures in their lives, and so both were stumbling their way through their feelings and their ability to communicate by themselves, with no good, guiding examples or someone to talk to.  _

_ Topper was yelling about something, hands twitching at his sides, whole body tense with anger.  _

_ “You never fucking listen JJ, it’s like you don’t care. Do you even like me, because you sure as shit don’t seem like you want to spend time with me. You’re always out, who knows where, doing God knows what with God knows who,” he spat.  _

_ He stood, towering over where JJ was trying to fold in on himself on the couch, eyes unfocused and fixed on a spot on the floor across the room. He didn’t touch him though, and that was something JJ was unspeakably grateful for in hindsight. Topper never laid an angry hand on him, never so much as flicked him.  _

_ It was pathetic, really, that his standard for people he hung around with was ‘didn’t hit him when they were mad,’ but the bar was on the fucking floor at this point.  _

_ Topper was still yelling, but JJ didn’t hear a word he said.  _

_ Eventually, though, he hit his breaking point. JJ stood up and stormed out the front door, making sure to check Topper with his shoulder as he passed him. Maybe it was rude, and a little unfair to get physically aggressive with Topper like that, but JJ didn’t feel like paying fair right now.  _

_ He walked out without a word, slamming the front door on his way out. He could still hear Topper yelling as he stormed across his perfectly manicured lawn.  _

_ JJ stayed with Kie that night, tucked in between her and Pope as he stared at the ceiling and tried to forget all the nasty words Topper had hurled at him. Hot tears tracked down his face without permission, and he soon found himself leaning up against Kie’s chest and Pope softly wiped the tears away with his thumb.  _

_ They held him there, and listened to him talk, about Topper, about how he felt like he had no idea what he was doing, how afraid he was of fucking up, how he felt like he was going to get left behind or cast out or thrown away when Topper decided he wasn’t a fun and exciting new toy anymore.  _

_ They let him talk himself hoarse, the three of them wrapped together in blankets and moonlight, until he ran out of words to say and he fell silent, eyes shut as fingers threaded through his hair.  _

_ Once he had calmed down, Pope and Kiara told him about some of the times they had fought, and how they were learning to get better at it. They told him about how in an argument, it is really the two of you against a problem, not the two of you against each other.  _

_ Their words heavy on his heart, and the image of Topper’s grief stricken face as he walked out the door on the back of his eyelids, JJ eventually fell into a restless sleep.  _

_ The next day, after they had both cooled off, the two of them apologized, and sat down together to (try to at least) calmly work through some of their issues that had been festering for quite some time.  _

The horn of the ferry behind them blew, signaling that it was their last call to board before it headed off to the mainland. They turned around, and saw the captain waiting out front to punch Topper’s ticket. 

He walked over, hand still tightly wound around JJ’s, boards of the dock creaking under their weight. 

They were silent as Topper held his ticket out to be punched, before they both ducked onto the ship to place Topper’s bags down. He was a light packer, unsure of what he would need and knowing that worst case he could make the three hour trip back to the Outer Banks if he needed. Still, he had a suitcase, his backpack with laptop and electronics in it, and a couple of duffle bags of clothing and toiletries and sheets and such. JJ dropped the stuff he had been carrying, a bag he was pretty sure he had helped Topper pack full of those stupid pastel shirts he loved so much. 

The boat rocked gently beneath their feet as they stood there, unable and unwilling to say goodbye just yet. 

Topper reached a hand out to cusp JJ’s face and brought their foreheads to rest together. He swiped his thumb over his cheek, and JJ felt the barely formed scap give way, smearing blood across his cheekbone. He turned his head ever so slightly to kiss the tip of Topper’s thumb once more, then leaned in to kiss him on the mouth. 

Their lips slotted together, warm and wet as they slid together, slowly, as if savoring this last moment in time with each other. Topper would come back, he knew it, just as he knew that he would do everything he could to save up enough to move out there with him, but they didn’t know when that would be. They didn’t know how long it would be before they saw each other again. 

A soft moan from one of them broke the silence, and JJ slid his tongue along Topper’s bottom lip, slipping it in to lick along his when he opened his mouth. The kiss quickly grew desperate, JJ clutching at Topper’s shoulders and Topper’s hands in JJ’s hair and fisted in the back of his jacket. 

The kiss tasted of salt, but if you asked either of them, they would have blamed it on their proximity to the ocean. 

A knock sounded on the metal frame of the boat. 

“Got a schedule to keep boys,” the captain called, voice rough with early morning fatigue and age. 

“I love you, stay safe,” JJ whispered, dropping his hands slowly from Topper’s back. 

“You also, and I love you too,” he said back. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” 

He dropped his gaze to the floor before looking back up at JJ. 

“I don’t want to go,” Topper said quietly. 

“Yeah you do, dummy,” JJ said, bonking him on the forehead with his own head. “You’re scared, and that makes sense, but remember how excited you are too. You’re gonna do awesome, and I’ll be there as soon as I can, alright?” 

Topper let out a soft noise of almost-agreement. 

“I guess, yeah,” he replied. 

“You got this! Text me when you get there so I know you got there safe, ok?” JJ asked. 

“Yeah, of course,” Topper said. 

At the sound of the captain clearing his throat outside the door, he stepped back, eyes soft as he watched JJ step out of the boat onto the dock. 

“Love you, bye,” Topper called out to him, as the engine started to rev up. 

“Bye, love you too,” JJ yelled back, watching as the boat started to pull away. 

He watched the boat leave, Topper a tiny figure in the window, until the mist started to swallow him up whole. 

_ Topper’s coat billowed around him as he spun underneath the light of the streetlamp overhead. His breath smelled like cheap beer when JJ leaned in to kiss him, yelping in surprise when Topper grabbed him around the waist to dip him.  _

_ Later that night, when they had stumbled their way home, Topper lost himself in JJ’s body, working him open with his tongue, then his fingers, then finally sinking into the wet heat spread open beneath him.  _

_ He ran his tongue along the arch of JJ’s back, tracing the pale silver scars there. JJ hated to turn his back to anyone, especially when he was naked, but this? This was Topper, spelling out his love for him across his skin. It was Topper acknowledging his fears and his past and his wounds that were splayed across his skin and across his heart.  _

_ Seemingly satisfied, Topper turned JJ over to lay on his back, a shiver running through him at the feeling of being manhandled like that. He lay there, limbs askew as Topper just sat back on his heels and looked at him, heated gaze raking over his entire body.  _

_ JJ moaned, feeling exposed and strung out and raw at being laid out so bare in front of Topper - both in the literal and metaphorical sense.  _

_ The slow roll of Topper’s hips once he slid home again was driving him insane, as he panted, eyes half lidded as he stared at Topper looking up at him.  _

_ The hand that wasn’t gripping tightly at his hip bone slid down the side of his thigh, tracing patterns into the scars on the sharp part of his hip, the inside of his thigh, the outside of his knee, the back of his calf, the bone of his ankle before Topper placed JJ’s foot on his shoulder, opening him up and finding an angle so deep he saw stars dance across his vision.  _

_ He gasped out Topper’s name, fists clutching the sheets below him as Topper rocked into him.  _

_ When they had spent themselves, sweaty and sated, JJ rolled on top of him and kissed his way along the scars on Topper’s shoulders, the thin silver line underneath his left elbow, the old faded burn on his left forearm. He kissed the scars of childhood across both Topper’s knees.  _

_ He made his way back up Topper’s body and curled into his chest, head tucked into the junction of his shoulder and his neck.  _

_ JJ pressed one last kiss to the underside of Topper’s jaw before he let sleep consume him.  _

JJ stood on that dock, watching the boat carry Topper deeper into the morning fog, trying very hard not to think about how the last time he watched a boat carry someone he loved away, they never came back. 

He waited until it disappeared, and then waited some more, just to make sure he really was gone. 

A seagull flew down from out of the fog and landed beside JJ, before it turned its head towards him and let out a loud squawk. 

The noise startled JJ and jolted him out of his stupor. He turned and ran down the dock, across the boardwalk, and tore through the parking lot as he got back to Topper’s Jeep. He quickly unlocked it, because Topper wasn’t allowed to have a car with him his freshman year, it made a lot more sense for him to leave it with JJ, so he had officially passed his keys along to JJ that morning. 

He threw open the door and shut himself inside, heart wrenching at how familiar the sight was, but so so so wrong without Topper there. JJ reached in the back seat where Topper left a ratty old hoodie in case of emergencies, and pressed it to his face, and breathed in the smell of the man he loved. 

He was crying again, hot tears sliding down his face quickly turned into shudders that wracked his body as he sobbed into Topper’s sweatshirt. 

His lungs burned as he tried to inhale enough air fast enough, and he ended up choking on air in his haste. Waves of hot frustration and embarrassment rolled through his body, followed by bone deep chills of fear and loneliness. His heart pounded in his chest, tattooing his pain on the inside of his sternum. His hands shook where they were fisted in Topper’s sweatshirt as he breathed in deep again in an effort to calm down. 

It smelled of the ocean, and sunshine, and the spice of Topper’s aftershave, and the deep musk of his cologne, and home, JJ realized as he sat there crying alone in his boyfriend’s car. Topper smelled like home. 

JJ looked up, looked at himself in the review mirror at his rumpled hair (his sex hair, Topper would have called it if he were here), his red eyes framed by lashes clumped together with tears, lips chapped and raw from where he had been tugging at them in anxiety, and finally setteld on the bloodstain across his cheek. 

He took a deep breath in, and let it out, all in a rush. 

“I’m coming baby. I swear, I’ll make it home to you” he said, gaze fixed on the empty water of the harbor in front of him. 

**Author's Note:**

> ok ok ok i know it doesn't explicitly end happily B U T i'm the author and so i get to say that jj says up a ton of money and gets a nice apartment right by topper's college and gets a job as a mechanic and they adopt a cat together and it's super cute ok  
> i always appreciate comments & kudos!  
> ty for reading :)  
> if u want, come say hi to me on my [tumblr](https://dirtyrottenraskel.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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